My distraction and Love....?

Assalamualaikum and greeting to all. May ALLAH always bless and guide us to the path of truth, Amen. It was a long time I stopped for a while from udating this blog.Why? Because recently I was always stucked with chaotic and inconsistent state of mind. I found myself often in distracted situation since after the holiday of Chinese New Year. I don't know why with myself. It is something that truly complicated and difficult to be expressed here. What this all about? Astaghfirullahalazim.... may ALLAH forgive my sins and accept my repentance. Maybe because I have committed so much sins? O ALLAH The Forgiver and The Merciful, I'm just a man that is not perfect and I can't run from committing sin and mistake as human is not perfect. Please forgive my sins and I repent to You. Amen. Maybe one of the thing that pledges me is love. Love.....? Hah, I even don't believe myself that I'm going to talk about love.. How dare enough for me to talk about this... (hmm.. personal matter) Well, my friends most of them seemed to stuck with love matter. As normal human of course we can't deny love as a very special gift by ALLAH Taala to us. I also can't deny that I caught myself in liking other person. Hah, my love story is not like the others. Ohh, man! What the heaven I'm talking all about?! Since I was in primary school, I was just an unlucky person even until today. Dare I say most my friends have girlfriend or at least once have girlfriend. Hahaha.. I just unlucky, never ever had girlfriend before until today. Sometimes I felt jealous with them. Well, as I said before this we as human we can't run from the feeling of love and the desire to have it. One of the reason we live in this world is because of love. Hmm.... I suddenly stuck at this point. Can't even think or describe it further.....